Strange Night, a poem

He started saying, “Sometimes I think I’m going to lose you.” It surprised me. Why would Camelias in bloom.he say this? Why would he think this? There was no doubt in my mind. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to be together till the end of our days. But he kept saying it. “I’m afraid I’m going to lose you.” There was nothing I could say or do to ease his mind. I had no idea what this was about.

Eventually, I decided he knew something about himself, that I didn’t. Maybe he was saying that if I knew this thing about him, I would leave. Maybe he was saying as soon as I knew this thing about him, it was over. Sometimes I wish I knew what it was that I didn’t know. But, mostly, I don’t. He loved me. I loved him. This I knew, this I know.

He didn’t lose me, per se, because I never stopped loving him. I just didn’t want to know what it was that I didn’t know. That would ruin this beautiful love. One day, I wasn’t there. As I left, I thought, “You always knew this. I didn’t, but you did.”

Leaving preserved the beauty, that’s why I still miss him. I don’t regret leaving. I regret I had to.

Strange Night

It’s a starry night.
I dream I sleep
on a bed of straw.
Crows fly across a yellow field,
headed toward me.

The chair
in my room
is empty.

I saw you
sit there
in my dream.

The stars
look distorted,
blurred yellow orbs
vibrating in the violet sky.

I’m so mad,
I could cut off my ear.

I wish you were here.
But you’re a crazy cat.
I can’t have that.

Leaving you feels
like a self-inflicted wound,

a gunshot to my gut.

It’s a strange night.
The brilliant yellow moon
looks beautiful,
but a bit disturbed.

You were like paint
splattered on canvas:
dynamic, intense,
unique, difficult
to decipher,

but definitely real.


About Poet Dressed In Black

Poet. Artist. Grammy of one, a granddaughter. Mom of three, son and two daughters, all grown. Individualist. Care-taker of Isabel, an agoraphobic, fear-aggressive, very nervous, delicate flower, Chihuahua mix.
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