I’m trying to figure out how to work this. As I uploaded the image, this blurry photo of a paperweight, my computer showed a red flag. It said something like “Warning. Only partially encrypted”, and “What is passing over the net can be seen”. Huh? Does that mean some evil lurks in cyberspace? Can some deranged asshole, some psychopath, or sociopath, see all the files in my computer? Is my life in danger? Is my identity in danger of being stolen? Will my bank account be wiped out? Oh, shit, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER!!!
I don’t fully understand everything about computers, or the net, and since I am sometimes neurotic, and the net makes me somewhat paranoid, I started over. I had initially uploaded the image from my computer, but the second time I took it from my Flickr account. I still got the red flag, so I quickly logged out.
Ran away like a frightened rabbit. Or mouse.
I may not fully understand computers or the net, but I fully understand that it’s a dangerous world. I hear Diane say, “It can be.” I insist: it IS. It is a dangerous world.
Logged back in. Checked things out. Found two saved drafts. Oh, there they are, I say to myself. I deleted one. Clicked edit on first draft. Decided to proceed. What the hell.
This is one of my New Year’s Resolutions, to start a WP blog. It’s already the end of April. And it’s a whole month since I created the account. I love to write, but I struggle with it. Why? I don’t know. I suppose because I’m fearful and insecure.
About the image: I’ve had this paperweight since 1968. I won it as a door prize at a Tupperware Party at my sister hosted. Or maybe it was a Toy Party. We both had infants then. Or maybe she was still pregnant. Hell, I don’t remember. What I remember is that I was 18, and that I had a vision: I saw myself behind a large desk with a typewriter in front of me. I told my sister, and my (ex)husband, and her husband, and my parents, holding up my paperweight, looking into it as if it were a crystal ball, “I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and some day I’m going to be a writer, and I’m going to put this paperweight on my desk.” They smiled, laughed. Condescendingly. Like, “Yeah, right. Dream on, asshole.” At least, that was my perception.
Of course, we use computers now. Hell, there are even virtual keyboards. (I’m still using an old clunker, a ten year old desktop.)
Geezus. I never envisioned a world like this. I thought The Jetsons was pure fantasy, or at least a future I would never live to see. Nor did I want to. Me? I hated The Jetsons. I mean, that world of The Jetsons, that vision of the world. (You know that cartoon, right? If you don’t, you know what to do. Google it.) Just as I hate modern technology. But the world is what the world is. And what will happen will happen. I do the best I can, that’s all. I live right, do the right thing, and all that. And always think about how I can improve. I work on healing old wounds, and try to stay balanced. Yeah, I’m a bit neurotic sometimes, but I’m working on it.
“Love Poems Dressed In Black” is the title of a book of poems I wanted to publish. Someday. Actually, the name I wanted to use was Dressed In Black. Back in the late eighties. But that never came to pass. At least, not yet. I mean, it ain’t over till it’s over, so…
I don’t know if this camera I use takes blurry photos, or if it’s my lack of expertise. Well, it’s not a professional camera, so is that the problem? I don’t know. But it’s the camera I’m using. It isn’t mine. It belongs to my son.
Well, there it is. First WordPress post. An autobiographical post.